Blog of Teh Voges


Love.
July 21, 2009, 1:35 pm
Filed under: Readings

Alright guys, don’t know if anyone even follows blogs anymore. Which its not for you anyways…its for me! You can read if you like though.

I’ve been reading 1st Corth for a while and I’m on chapter 13. Great one to start blogging on lol. Its the famous ‘love’ chapter. Starting off I’m going to tell you my own bias’ and insecurities about love. I have a hard time loving people and myself. Throughout my life i wanted to know i was loved (who doesn’t), only I received back disappointment after disappointment from people and things. I learned early on that to love means that I will probably get hurt…so why love. So I’m very apathetic towards alot of things in life. Once again…my signature sin is the need to avoid pain. I wanted to avoid me getting hurt, so the easiest way to do that is to not love or let people love me. So easy to twist something meant for good to become evil. So coming to this passage i have deep resentment for love. Even though i have grown out of my isolationism and self-centeredism i still have a hard time trusting it. Paul starts off in verse 2 and 3 saying,

if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

For me I could do everything right…but if i don’t love its worth nothing. Ouch. Through my bitter resentment toward love, I become nothing. So it leaves me with…ok now what. What can i do to love people? I want my life to meaningful and reflect God…But im missing the biggest part. Even the two biggest commandments are love God and love your neighbors. I can bearly love myself at times! So Paul gives us examples…

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is soooo hard for me to except, because i have experienced what i thought was love yet these things were in those relationship. How can i get over being burned from the past? I think one of the ways that just came to mind is living in the here and now. Christianity is not about reliving the past and its not about looking toward the future. Its the here and now. God wants me to live life to the fullest right now! Not worry about how live was years ago. Love someone NOW not in the future. NOW! Paul goes on to say,

Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

I think what he means is he cant see everything clearly in life, but with God we can. I need to trust God to let me see clearly in my life. To trust him to let me be open and vulnerable to love someone who may not even deserve it. Why? Paul ends the chapter saying why,

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Project till next time: Love People.

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Ouch…Face the facts
July 16, 2009, 2:33 pm
Filed under: Life

Wow Look at the date, its been officially over a year since Ive last blogged. I remember how i would go insane if i hadn’t blogged at least 4 times a week. Now its all about twitter rather than blogging. Funny. Well, what can i say. Its been a wild year. When i mean wild i mean, dang you’ve been here and there and everywhere! Moving to Arizona…moving back to California. Its a long story, not sure if i want to tell it. What i can say is i have done a lot of growing. Some in areas i had no idea i needed to. I apologize if i sound vague, but what i really want to say is this. For all the growing Ive done, Ive lacked growth in my spiritual life the last few months. This is due to my signature sin, the need to avoid pain. Ive slipped out of my consistent schedule spending time with God and i don’t want to face the facts that when i go back even though it will be awesome and great i have to face…pain. My faults and failures. Therefore i decided that maybe its time to listen to old and good advice since its why i started blogging, ‘Blog your reading of the Bible so that i have to do it’. When i say ‘do it’ i mean ACTUALLY read…not forcing me to read. I can read and then there ACTUALLY reading…if that makes sense. So Hopefully i can post every so many days of what Ive read. If not I’m kickin myself in the face.